My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
