Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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