I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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