Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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