Where did you get a picture of my penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
