hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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