you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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