I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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