Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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