hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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