If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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