I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
