Are we in a gay sports bar?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
COCAINE IS GR8
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
