I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
