Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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