Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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