she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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