Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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