If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
