What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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