this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
