I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
