A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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