You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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