I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
