Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
