Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
