I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
