You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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