can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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