So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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