He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize