he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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