i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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