I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
