"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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