You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
