okay pat passed out under dana's car
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
