I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
