Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
