I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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