You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
