I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
