Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
