she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
