You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
