No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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