we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
