I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
