we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
