Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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