OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
