i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize