the day after is always just damage control
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nutella sex= disaster
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
