Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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