I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
well you can't waste a boner
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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