I will die if light touches me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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