Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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