i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
