Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if only i could text you this smell
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
