I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
