i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
