The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize