dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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