McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize