She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
