come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
