She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
