im six kinds of drunk right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
