god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
