i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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