why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
