Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
