i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize