I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize