I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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