I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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