I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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