her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize